So... I have some news. I have pondered back and forth about whether I should make this public or not (as I often do when it comes to personal matters), but I think I have to tell you, so I can go on, so I can keep writing. Keeping this quiet stops me from saying other things, too.
This guy and I have split up.
I'm not going to go into details about why and when, because it's not important to share, but we have made the decision and we are trying to live with it. The road up to here has been a long one, it has been filled with ups and downs and tears and hope, and now, we're here, at this crossroad. And this is where we decided to let each other go.
I could say it isn't dramatic, and that it is a sort of relief, now that we have made the decision, and that would be true. It would also be true to say that it feels like a defeat - like we lost a very important battle, both of us did. And that it feels scary, and tragic, and very very sad. The stream of tears has not yet subsided, but in the midst of that is the clear knowledge that it is right, that it is the only way.
We will all continue to live here on our farm, so for the children, there won't be a huge change in how we live. We will continue to pursue this dream, and to strive for self sufficiency and freedom. We will continue to work together, to be friends, to be teammates in our lives' most important project. But we won't be husband and wife anymore.
This space will continue too, but with some changes, and under a new name.